Yo, Joe Homebuyer! Where ya been?I am writing this to all of the home buyers out there. I’m calling you Joe so if your name is Susan, Elijah, Maricela, or Bob, don’t be offended. Joe is easy to remember and type. Your last name may be different but for today your last name is Homebuyer. So, this letter is for you, Joe Homebuyer.
Anyway, how have you been ? We’ve missed you a lot this year in the housing market, Joe. I know that we’ve had a heckuva party the first five years of the decade and frankly, it might have gotten a little too crazy for you. Sorry about that. You know how it is when that cheap money keeps flowing like a keg at a frat party; nobody ever knows when to say when. Some of us didn’t see you slip out the back door when that groovy band, The Speculators, came in and started selling homes to each other last year. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to tell you good bye and get your phone number. I really wanted to get together .
Joe, let me tell you the gossip. The Speculators really weren’t that good; they only knew one or two songs. A new guy named Ben Bernanke came and made us all straighten up and fly right. He raised the price of money. Fortunately, it looks like he stopped. The sellers are all in a fog now. They don’t know how the price of their homes isn’t logical to someone like you BUT…they’re starting to get the message. The builders? Fuhgedaboutit.
I think we’re all in bit in a fog but we’ll be partying again soon. I know that you’re hearing all kinds of bad things from those dudes at the newspapers, and the TV, and on blogs on the internet but you have to remember that they are spectators not players. In the meantime, you have a pretty good chance to be first in line when the new band gets cranked up. They’ve got kind of gloomy sound but you might like them. They’re called “The Foreclosures”. I heard them back in the 90s and man they are even better than “The Speculators“. I hear they’re back for their “Together Again Tour”. I promise you that you won’t want to miss their show!
I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you come on in and see me or another mortgage broker. We’ve toned things down a lot since the last party. We’re not letting the underage kids get into the party with those exotic loans anymore. Dude, that was nuts! Now we actually care if you can make the payments. We’ll get you pre-approved with some sane terms and find you a payment you can afford. We’ll introduce you to some really cool Realtors who also learned a lesson from the last party.
These Realtors totally rock! When “The Foreclosures” start playing, they’ll get you front row seats below face value. All we have to do is ask them to low-ball the sellers. Those sellers are in such a fog and are so scared of “ The Foreclosures: Together Again Tour” that they’ll bail and you’ll get a SWEET deal!
Joe, we really miss you. We’ll make sure to listen to you. You’ve been so good to us in the past and without you, there just isn’t any party! Call me or just leave your number here. I’m looking forward to seeing you again!
Source: Brian Brady is a Managing Director of a mortgage banking firm and hasn’t been to a “frat party” in 20 years. He is San Diego’s most opinionated mortgage broker and fancies himself a humorist.
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